By Robert B. Andrews MA, LMFT

Over the last few weeks, I have seen quite a few athletes who are leaving for college for their freshman year. Some are going to schools close to home here in Texas, while others are heading off to schools a long way from home in the Midwest, New England, and the West Coast.

I am grateful to have spent time with these athletes before they left. We talked about their sadness about leaving home, family, and friends, their joy about starting a new phase of their lives, and their anxiety about being on their own and trying to make their college team.

There are so many transitions going on with these kids. Their lives as sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and athletes are changing profoundly.

This is such an important time for athletes leaving home and any athlete, their family members, and friends. I feel that this is a very valuable and necessary topic.

Making Transitions Can Be Stressful

Fall is a particularly busy time for me in my work with athletes. Football, volleyball, soccer, gymnastics, and many other sports start up, and with this start-up comes the stress and pressure of performing at higher levels. Athletes move up to higher levels of competition with each new season. Expectations of coaches, parents, and athletes are higher. The game moves faster, the ball is hit harder, tackles are more intense, and athletes are bigger, quicker, and stronger. Required skills are more difficult to obtain.

Making these physical transitions in sports is difficult enough, but adding the mental and emotional transitions required can be overwhelming for some.

Transitioning from junior high to high school, JV to varsity, high school to college, level 9 to level 10, 16 U to 18 U, or college to professional can be intense and stressful.

Increased stress and pressure from attending a new school, making new friends, balancing social life, tougher academic requirements, leaving home, and managing time schedules and finances can make it easy to see why athletes struggle during this time of transition.

The psychological warning signs of these struggles can be increased anxiety, moodiness, irritability, poor grades, withdrawal or isolation, depression, frustration, and even experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Athletes might be unable to perform skills they have mastered or show poor overall performance. They may try hard to “get it right” or exhibit perfectionist traits. Some might become afraid of disappointing coaches, parents, or scouts.  Others may choke or struggle with what used to be easy and fun.

These warning signs or symptoms are cries for help. The athlete is saying, “HELP! I am struggling and don’t have the tools to make it through this difficult transition.”

Many athletes face the embarrassment of not performing up to the expectations that they and others have of them. It can be humiliating to go out practice after practice, game after game, and struggle. What was once fun and a source of confidence is now eroding confidence and creating self-doubt.

It is critical to help athletes prepare for these times of stress and self-doubt and teach them the life skills necessary to make a healthy transition.

The Theory of the “Bigger Box”

In addition to teaching valuable life skills, I use “the theory of the bigger box” to help athletes during these difficult times.

Remember when your kids were young and had to face a transition like moving from elementary to junior high? They left behind a very safe and familiar environment. They knew their way around the classroom and campus. They knew the teachers, schedules, and required routines. They were familiar with this “box.”. They knew where the top and sides of the box were, as well as the shape of the box. But on some level, they were ready to move on to a bigger box. They were pushing up against the sides and ceiling of that box. They had grown so much that it was uncomfortable, and they were ready for a bigger challenge. They were ready to move on.

New challenges, such as moving up a grade, playing on a more talented team, or moving up a level, require leaving behind the familiar “box” and stepping into a “bigger box.”. They must cope with the overwhelming feeling of not knowing their way around the box. They must learn where the sides and top of the box are all over again. There will always be initial feelings of anxiousness and fear. It is normal. As they acquire the tools and skills to adjust to a bigger box, things calm down. Confidence is restored by gaining knowledge and experience in the bigger box, and performance returns to high levels.

Transitioning to a bigger box requires learning how to communicate effectively, set healthy boundaries, manage time, get adequate sleep, eat well, balance social life with school and sports requirements, and “recharge” your mental and emotional reservoir. These are important tools that will help make these transitions easier.

Life will continue to hand us bigger and bigger “boxes.” Graduations, getting a first job, getting married, and having kids are all “bigger box” events. Learning important transition tools early on makes it easier to recognize, adapt, and grow in response to these challenges.

I have worked with many athletes who have gone off to college or tried to make it in professional sports. Some come back home because they lack the tools to make these difficult transitions. Coming back is never an easy transition, and many struggle profoundly. They are confused and lack direction.

Do your young athletes a favor and provide them with the resources they need to acquire the life skills to help them adjust and thrive.  It helps them learn to avoid pain and suffering and build character and self-confidence. These traits will take them far in life and sports.